- 10 - solution that could invigorate our relationship would, as far as I’m concerned, be for you to help me run the household, thereby spending at least some of your time with me and dealing with some of my own needs. I would be very pleased if you could accept this.” If this conversation doesn’t bear fruit, she must immediately summon a handyman that can deal with all the required repairs in the house and in the garden. The bill goes to him! The wife should ignore his outburst of anger without making any comments. Very important: Do not quarrel! What if the husband refuses to pay the bill? Not a problem, because the next reminder will soon turn up. Once again: D o n o t b e i n t i m i d a t e d a n d d o n o t q u a r r e l . If worst come to worst, she should pay the bill herself, stop buying beer and leave the empty bottle where they are. Important again: D o n o t q u a r r e l ! She should not lose her nerve if the husband complaints, screams at her or even throws boor bottles after her. Important: She should not clear away the shards. Should the situation turn as dramatic as described above, she should inform the husband in a calm voice, or if the atmosphere turns very volatile, in writing, that due to his impossible behaviour, she is no longer prepared to do the shopping and cooking for him. All chores like vacuuming, washing, tidying up and cleaning should only be done within her own personal domain. If he is still not prepared to change his behaviour, she will be forced to leave him. Again, very important: D o n o t q u a r r e l , d o n o t t o l o s e y o u r n e r v e a n d d o n o t r e a c t e m o t i o n a l l y ! Another example: A secretary finds it increasingly unbearable that her boss screams at her when asking for a cup of coffee. When she started her job 15 years ago, she didn’t dare to complain out of inexperience and also because she was afraid of losing her job. The situation is now stuck in a rut and she is close to a nervous breakdown. What is there to do? First of all, realise that it is not going to be the end of the world, if she decidedly speaks her mind. Her job is certainly not on the line if she regains her self-respect. Concretely: If her boss should shout at her as he usually does and demands his cup of coffee, she should tell him in a nice and friendly voice that she had to listen to this clamour for years, that she is no longer prepared to be treated like this and that she would appreciate if Mr. X. would talk to her in a normal voice and “ask” for his cup of coffee.
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